Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle

As a mental health professional who specializes in neuroscience tools, I cannot recommend this book highly enough. In a conversational, accessible, often humorous format, the authors unfold important keys to wellness for women in a world that screams “do more!” While highlighting the importance of our bodies in stress management, the unique challenges women and people of color face in our society, and the ways we all struggle for authentic connection in a world that stresses independence, Emily and Amelia offer tangible strategies to live as real life human beings in a world that often demands unattainable and unrealistic ideas of productivity. I particularly loved the metaphors and examples they used to explain the science behind their conclusions and recommendations. I will be implementing their tools in my own life and recommending this book to my clients! As essential read!

I reached a point where I was restless, fatigued, and irritated by little things I would normally be patient about. My stress levels were so high that even my sleep metrics showed I was under constant stress overnight—my body simply wasn’t recovering. I felt like I was in pain all the time, dragging myself out of bed each morning when all I wanted to do was stay under the covers. That’s when it hit me: maybe I was burned out. And, as I usually do when facing a problem, I turned to books for answers. That’s how I found this one, and it truly felt like a blessing. While reading, I realized I had every symptom of burnout. But more importantly, I learned what caused it, how to recognize my triggers, and practical ways to manage my stress. This book didn’t just give me understanding—it gave me tools to both recover and prevent myself from falling into burnout again. I highly recommend it to any woman who feels stressed, exhausted, overwhelmed, desperate, or sad. This book isn’t just helpful; it’s a life changer—maybe even a life saver.

This book changed my life. Seriously. First as a burnout clergywoman and then as a clergy coach working with people existing in systems with expectations that have to be adjusted. So, so good! If you're looking for an accessible read on the science and some very practical ideas, this is where you want to begin.

Review There was a lot of truly great content in this book. The idea of the “stress cycle” and that you have to work to complete it was completely new to me. It makes a lot of sense now why I’ve had so many issues with stress in my life, and it’s helped to know what I can do to complete the cycle. In the last chapter, the idea of the “madwoman upstairs” really hit me right in the feels. I started thinking about it, and it really does feel like there is somebody else in here sometimes, telling me jerky things that I would never say to a friend. This book has a very liberal slant to it. I’m a conservative-leaning libertarian. There was A LOT of talk about “the patriarchy” and other liberal ideas in this book. It was a little heavy handed at times, but I appreciated that they at least tried to tone it down. My take on “the patriarchy” is that it does exist, in some form. The authors aren’t wrong. When I’ve encountered it in my life, I’ve chosen to move away from it, rather than fight or complain about it. I have to say that this book gave me a little different perspective on it. Even though I’ve chosen to move on from the badness, it still leaves scars. It still hurts that the “bro club” of a software company I joined viewed me as a junior developer for 2 years (even though I wasn’t hired as a junior level) and refused to acknowledge my ideas, and when I moved on I doubled my salary, for example. Society says you’re supposed to look at it as, well things are going ok now, so you don’t have the right to complain. But, it’s just never gotten resolved for me. This book gives me permission to feel - a little - angry about it, so I can move through it.

Great book. Everyone should read this

This was, as a woman, the most eye opening and truly helpful self help books I’ve ever read. Do not leave this one on your TBR for long. It deserves to be read. This book is right up there with “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins.

I wanted to love this book, I expected it based on reviews to be so helpful for myself and my clients. There is quite a slant to it that turned me off. It just wasn’t necessary and adds nothing meaningful to the topic. I just don’t think a book about stress needs to push any agenda- just keep it scientific and neutral. Everything now is so divided and partisan- a huge cause of stress so I didn’t expect it here. Decent book, skimmed what felt like a talking point, and tried to pull out the useful.

The word burnout crept up in my everyday use since 2019 – and then the pandemic hit. No travel. No casual shopping. No conferences. None of the usual ways to break up the days. Burnout, especially at work, snuck up on me. Much like my own burnout, Emily and Amelia Nagoski's book, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, snuck up on me too. "First coined as a technical term by Herbert Freudenberger in 1975, "burnout" was defined by three components: 1. emotional exhaustion—the fatigue that comes from caring too much, for too long; 2. depersonalization—the depletion of empathy, caring, and compassion; 3. decreased sense of accomplishment—an unconquerable sense of futility: feeling that nothing you do makes any difference. Written with women in mind, Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle talks about the big and little stressors we experience daily – from the patriarchy (ugh) to the "second shift" most women have after work at home (house chores, caregiving). Compared to what it's like to be a woman, what's expected of women creates burnout without even realizing it. The authors discuss the Bikini Industrial Complex and the microaggressions women regularly experience for not looking, acting, or speaking in a certain way. Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle goes on to discuss how to complete the stress cycle. When we experience fight, flight, or freeze responses, our bodies react to those chemicals even though we are rarely in actual life-or-death experiences. The problems arise when we experience those reactions and don't get the fulfillment of knowing we are no longer in a life-or-death situation. Too many women, especially women of color, grow up with unconscious biases about how we should behave, which is only exacerbated by others around us with unconscious biases. Before you know it, we're working ourselves too much, developing physical symptoms from a life of microaggressions and minor stressors, and we reach a breaking point. A part of this book encourages you to be aware of times in your life when you need to move on from whatever is causing you stress. I appreciate a great deal about this book, but I loved how the authors didn't promise your burnout will magically go away if you take luxurious baths every night or try and "lean in" at work more. The premise of Burnout empowers us to accept ourselves exactly as we are and know that we are enough. Buy Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle because we all need to work on unconscious biases around women at home, work, and in the world.

After a promising start, the book becomes extremely dull, repetitive, ideological, and goes off the track in unintended direction. it then keep on complaining about things that have nothing to do with self improvement. This book wil probably not help anyone.

Easy to read, easy to understand, mind blowing realisations

A real life changer.

It helps me a lot to understand my self and my current mood. I can put my feeling in real context and accept my self with compassion and love. Thanks for writing this book.

I found out about this book from the authors’ appearance on Brené Brown’s podcast and bought it immediately. It’s an awfully helpful book, that puts so many issues (mostly women) have. It helps find the words for situations, feelings and dynamics that too often lead us to losing ourselves, and therefore helps deal with such issues. A must read for every woman, regardless of burnout, and ideally for every man