Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself

For the past four months, I have been diligently practicing mindfulness and accepting my emotions, even showing compassion for emotions such as anger and fear. The approach of self-compassion complements mindfulness training (as taught by Jon Kabat-Zinn or Thich Nhat Hahn among others) very, very well indeed. In fact, it seems that our society cultivates the exact opposite, going hard on one's self and evaluating one's self in an overly critical manner is the norm. In practicing these principles, I have emerged from year long depression and anxiety to regain my life. These techniques have helped see the gift of my depression and anxiety. Through practicing the wisdom of self-compassion and mindfulness diligently I have begun to find true strength, beyond the complement-recognition-dependent limitations of self-esteem. When did we stop being as understanding, compassionate, caring and loving to ourselves as we are to those we love dearly? How can we recharge ourselves after working so hard at our jobs and trying so very hard to do everything right? Our inner critic, it seems, is never satisfied and continues to find fault although we have long earned recognition. Apart from that we are as perfect as we were the day we were born - when did we stop seeing ourselves in that light? Herein lies the rub, for in neglecting, punishing and criticizing ourselves, we are compelled to try to fill this empty void through excessive consumption of food, products, relationships, attention-seeking. The result is catastrophic, despite rampant consumption and the destruction of the environment, depression and mental illness are on the rise! Our inner critic continues to devour any praise and complements our self-esteem gets - if we turn the tables as Kristen Neff suggests, the result is the kind of profound, lasting change we have been wanting all our lives and it is painfully simple! Each and every one of us deserves this. Kristen Neff has done a very thorough job of presenting this invaluable wisdom as practiced, among other sources, in the Buddhist Tradition (it is also conveyed in many other faiths, philosophies etc.). She does so in a very human, humorous and enjoyable manner, which makes this book a true pleasure to read. If you are devoted to improving your life experience and that of those you love, please begin by accepting and loving yourself - flaws and all - then you can unleash your true power as a compassionate, loving, accepting being and genuinely help your loved ones, society and the world all in one. May the wisdom of this book help many to heal themselves, the rest will take care of itself.

I began reading Self-Compassion two days ago and I am astonished. Astounded. I cannot believe that in all my years of extensive, detailed therapy not one of my excellent therapists ever recommended these exercises. I am Bipolar with Histrionic tendencies and have struggled all my life with my self-image and an eating disorder. Guilt has always been my default emotion. Shame. All the things that one stuffs down with food. Or alcohol. Or shopping. Or any reckless, impulsive behavior meant to stuff feelings down so we DON'T FEEL them. And when I don't feel my feelings, I PUNISH myself. This has been going on all my life. This book is changing my entire outlook, without confusing me or SCARING me to death. This is because it is so straightforward and common sense. I feel Empowered. And almost Brave. This does not read as a medical/scientific text and I tend to be highly skeptical about these sorts of books. However, with this book I find few, if any, intellectual objections to the manner in which it is written or in how the studies and source material are not cited until the "notes" at the end. (This seems to be increasingly common and I often find it hard to stick with a book when the author is not forthcoming with sources within the text itself.) But in this case, I am not bothered the lack of in-text acknowledgement of source material because there's really not anything to OBJECT TO or call into question within the text. All of the advice is sound. I've not read anything (so far) that is harmful or suspect. The exercises are so simple and the advice will set your brain to sparking, esp. if you have a spiritual bent as do I. I am eager to work my way through the rest of the book and am pacing myself so that I don't do too much at once. I will check back in when I am finished. Buy this book and see if it helps you as much as it is helping me.

“The research that my colleagues and I have conducted over the past decade shows that self-compassion is a powerful way to achieve emotional well-being and contentment in our lives. By giving ourselves unconditional kindness and comfort while embracing the human experience, difficult as it is, we avoid destructive patterns of fear, negativity, and isolation. At the same time, self-compassion fosters positive mind-states such as happiness and optimism. The nurturing quality of self-compassion allows us to flourish, to appreciate the beauty and richness of life, even in hard times. When we soothe our agitated minds with self-compassion, we’re better able to notice what’s right as well as what’s wrong, so that we can orient ourselves toward that which gives us joy. . . . You can’t always have high self-esteem and your life will continue to be flawed and imperfect—but self-compassion will always be there, waiting for you, a safe haven. In good times and bad, whether you’re on top of the world or at the bottom of the heap, self-compassion will keep you going, helping you move to a better place. It does take work to break the self-criticizing habits of a lifetime, but at the end of the day, you are only being asked to relax, allow life to be as it is, and open your heart to yourself. It’s easier than you might think, and it could change your life.” ~ Kristin Neff from Self-Compassion I first heard about Kristin Neff and her work from Brené Brown—who is a huge (!) fan. And I can see why Brené is such a big fan. Kristin is awesome. Kristin is one of the world’s leading researchers on self-compassion. In fact, she is the one who first established self-compassion as a field of study almost a decade ago—bringing the Buddhist practice of self-compassion into her labs so the benefits could be empirically validated. Very cool stuff. The book walks us through the scientific research underpinning the why’s and how’s of cultivating our self-compassion and is packed with theoretical and practical goodness. Let's explore some of my favorite Big Ideas: 1. Self-Compassion Defined - The three key components. 2. #1. Self-Kindness - Be nice to yourself! 3. #2 Common Humanity - We're all in this together. 4. #3 Mindfulness - Seeing reality clearly. 5. Suffering = Pain x Resistance. Self-kindness + common humanity + mindfulness does the trick to boost our self-efficacy and boost our shot at achieving our dreams!

I like the concept of self-compassion. Hey, lighten up on yourself, lighten up on everyone else, we're just here for a limited time--no need to be so nasty. That is true. I, like many of the reviewers, just find the authors methods a little weird. I think she is trying to give us avenues and methods for changing how we think and feel about ourselves. We can believe in self-compassion, but how do we actively do this? She says by having a nurturing self who comforts your hurting self, giving yourself hugs, using your mind to go into your pain and suffering rather than trying to avoid it, and by practicing a self-affirmation that helps you support yourself through hard times. If you are waffling on buying this book, you need to read the author's chapter on self-esteem. I think she's right on the money. If you are going to accept yourself as you are and let that be okay, then you have to let go of putting your ego before everything else. I think the person who can practice self-compassion is also practicing self-acceptance-- the mindset that I am enough as I am; I don't have to be perfect, and neither do others.

i absolutely love this book. The author does a great job of sounding personal with vignettes, offering low risk thought prompts. and many real-life examples that shows how the information may apply to you. I actually bought the free kindle version during a sale, and enjoyed it so much that I bought the hard copy. Sometimes, I would start the chapter believing the topic she was describing didn't apply to me. And, at face value, it didn't. However, she frequently goes on and provides different childhood experiences or interpersonal interactions that lead to the same mal-adaptive thinking that is self-deprecating. And follows that up with helpful quotes and questions to work within ourselves to be kinder to ourselves. If you are someone in their early stages of unpacking their negative self-talk, can't or isn't ready to have those types of hard talks with a therapist out loud, this book is a great step in the right direction. Forewarning, I haven't finished the book because sometimes the chapters hit me deeper than expected and I'm left crying so be aware that you might experience that too :) The author was also on an NPR Hidden Brain episode which I listened to and thought was good.

I admit to being a bit of a self-help literature enthusiast. Hey, being a human (especially one living in this crazy 21st century) is hard! If a book can help someone find more peace of mind and skills for living, then I say that's all for the good! Of all the books on my self-help shelf, Kristin Neff's Self Compassion just might be my absolute favorite. I discovered her book through the work of Brene Brown (whom I also love) and watched her TED talk, which I found very moving (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4). Her book did not disappoint. It is a guidebook for living with more compassion for oneself and for others. So often we feel afraid that if we are kind and compassionate towards ourselves we will become lazy. I know I fall into this trap pretty much every day! Neff discusses this trap and why it is not only unhelpful but also false. Practicing self-compassion can actually lead us to live happier and more fruitful lives (emphasis on the happier!). Neff writes with the warm and compassionate quality to be expected from the bearer of her message. She supports her views with scientific evidence and life-experiences, which she references throughout. She also gives you exercises to do along the way in order to help you find compassion for yourself and start using meaningful practices to become more self-compassionate. Many of these exercises I'm actually still working on and will probably revisit over and over in the years to come! What I like most about Neff's work is her attitude towards suffering. I am always suspicious when authors imply that suffering can/should be avoided or even eliminated entirely. Suffering is a part of life, a necessary one, even if it is difficult. To endeavor to completely avoid it would be very unhealthy (not to mention impossible). Thus, I find that the writers who resonate the most with me are those who seek to help their readers deal with the inevitable suffering they will face in life. Neff does exactly this. In fact, the idea of hers that I love the most is that when we are well-practiced in the art of self-compassion, our suffering can become an opportunity to feel loved and support from within ourselves. That is a wonderful thought to me! The ability to console oneself during life's difficult moments is something to strive for, and I feel certain that reading Self Compassion has given me a good start to leading a happier, healthier, more compassionate life.

I've been interested in mindfulness programs for the last few years, and have bought a few books on the subject, but haven't been mindful (pun intended :-) ) about doing the daily work that comes along with mindfulness practice. Recently, a friend shared that she was taking an eight-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class (which is based on the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn) locally, and I looked into the info about it. One of the more specialized MBSR classes you could take at this venue was one on self-compassion (called Mindful Self-Compassion, or MSC, training, the training for which was developed by Dr. Kristin Neff. Long story short, I bought this book as well as her CD set Self-Compassion Step by Step: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself , and am thrilled with how well they are already working. Although based in Buddhist mindfulness practices, MBSR and MSC training don't espouse Buddhist philosophies or force them upon you. Instead, they focus on using the mind to be here in the present moment, experiencing emotions as they arise. The idea of using mindfulness to work on my self-compassion really appealed to me since I tend to beat myself up and dwell on negativity quite a bit. On her website, Neff has free audio meditations you can download that are designed to supplement the practices from the book. Her website also has a test you can take to see how self-compassionate you are. While the CD set isn't necessary, I've actually found that it is really making a huge difference since it is reinforcing what I've learned from the book and because it has longer meditations and practices on it. Other books you mind find useful are Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha , The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness (Book & CD) , and A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook . Tara Brach also has wonderful free lectures and meditations on her website that I've been listening to for the past year, and which have also helped me a lot.

I've been to therapists, i've taken the pills to help with anxiety/depression for most of my life. It took me less than a month to drastically improve my thoughts just by reading this book. I ordered this book after it was recommended in a letter that someone posted on reddit. I didnt have high hopes, but I did think that I could probably get some helpful advice from it. This book actually ended up sitting on my computer desk for 3 months before I really started reading it. I ended up losing someone close to me and that is what actually motivated me to go through the book. Like other people, i was a bit skeptical of self help books. However, This book made me realize how detrimental my thoughts had been to my well-being and how happy I can make life actually be. The experience and perspective that Kristen Neff shares are something I am never going to want to forget.

Seems to be interesting, just read 15 pages ;) yet, wrapped with other books

This book is great but I like the author's new book on burnout more because I find it a bit more relevant to today's problems, clearer and more concise, and updated with the author's newer concepts of tender and fierce concepts of self compassion.

This book has some revolutionary ideas, I can’t believe how something so simple can be so effective. I’ve been able to mindfully practice self compassion for a few weeks now and it has changed my life and my outlook on life. The book is beautifully written and it’s just such a joy to read. It has also mentioned another book, on nonviolent communication which I now practice too in conjunction to self compassion. Im so grateful for this book!

Excellent!

Got the book in a bad condition The cover of the book is wrinkled and torn in some places For this price it’s very bad quality