Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots Paperback – October 2, 2012

This memoir portrays the Hasidic sect of Satmar Jews as a cult. The Satmars and Hasidic Jews are angry and aghast over this book and the realities it brings to light. Many of the negative reviews have been filed by Hasidic Jews who are angry with Feldman's portrayal of Hasidism as a cult. Because Jews have been persecuted over the centuries by non-Jews many Jews feel it is a betrayal to critisize other Jews and their observances. Unfortunately Jews must and should be critical of their fundamentalist co-relgionists just as Muslims and Mormons should be of theirs. Deborah Feldman was a constructive if not an actual orphan being raised by her grandparents. Because of her orphan status the community members looked down upon her. Her parentage was questionable. Her father was mentallly ill or retarded. He wanders the neighborhood in inappropriate dress making inappropriate announcements. He was probably schizophrenic. His parents never sought proper treatment for him because it did not comport with their fundametalist religious beliefs. Because the Hasids do not believe in birth control, there is a high percentage of down syndrome and retardation in their community. Women have children well into their forties when birth defects increase as a percentage of all births. It is not unusual for a 49 year old woman to become a mother. Yet these children are cared for and schooled by the community. This does not prevent the community from requesting and receiving extra funds from public coffers to educate their special needs children. Mental Illness in this community is looked upon as something shameful. In order to find Deborah's mentally ill father a wife, the family had to seek out a poor girl from London who had poor prospects and whose family would not be aware of their son's strange behavior.This was Deborah's mother. Of course, this marriage failed. In fact Deborah's mother left the sect to live a secular gay life. In the community Deborah was viewed as not as good as others with a regular family. Further, her stingy granfather who could well afford to feed and cloth Deborah dressed her in her cousins' hand me downs. She never got to go to a store and select her own school clothes. This fact made her feel unworthy among her peers. Deborah is a bright and intellectual girl. These traits are not valued in the Hasidic community. Women are only valued as a support for men and as mothers. To discourage these traits Hasidic women cannot read most secular books and magazines. They are barred from learning about the outside world. Even their New York state required English grammar lessons are censored. There are lines of black out in the English grammar book. To comply with state law, girls are kept in school until age 16, but they do not earn New York City high school diplomas. Their religious observance precludes them from learning subjects like geometry which are required for a New York City high school diploma.AT 17 Deborah is married to a man she has met only once. He is not an intellecctual man. He works as a laborer in a warehouse. Deborah is an English teacher in the Satmar version of a high school. She should have been matched with someone who was an intellectual like her. That notion never occurred to her grandparents who looked only at the level of religious observance and financial support that could be expected of the family. Eli was from a humble albeit reverent and religious family, and that was good enough for their grandaughter. The marriage was doomed from the start. Deborah had a vaginal abnormality that precluded normal completion of sexual intercourse. Of course, she was personally blamed for the failure. A gynecologist identified the abnormality and recommended minor surgery. The family refuses to accept the diagnosis and surgical recommendation. Instead they take her from one talk therapist to another. A biofeedback specialist cannot fix a structural defect. Her husband is not the least bit supportive. He even leaves her temporarily over her failure. Finally Deborah finds a solution on the internet. She orders a manual dilation kit. This kit helps her deal with her double hymen which is rigid and inflexible. She finally completes intercourse and becomes pregnant. Once she becomes pregnant she is treated much better by her husband and his family. She and Eli have now moved out of Williamsburg into or north of Westchester county where they are not subjected to constant observance and critisizm. Deborah and her spouse have a little more freedom here. This freedom means she is not critisized because she doesn't shave her head in addition to wearing a wig. Still she must wear a wig and she must observe sabbath rules and participate in the Mikvah. She regularly attends the mikvah which she detests. She finds it dehumanizing and invasive which it is. When she decides that she must leave the sect for her own personal sanity and for the good of her son, Yitzy, the mikvah is one of the first observances she gives up. When she leaves the apartment ostensibly to attend to the mikvah she takes a magazine and reads in front of the Starbucks. She realizes that the purpose of many of these observances is to oppress women. They are designed to keep women ignorant of the ouside world and incapable of fending for themselves outside the sect. The hasidic education deprives all its students of more than a rudimentary acquaintance with algebra. There is no geometry, advanced algebra, trigonometry, calculus, or physics. Only Jewish subjects are taught. Geometry and other higher mathematics are of Greek origin so they aren't taught. Modern chemistry is not taught though chemical analysis that existed in biblical times is taught. The ancient Hebrews had not mastered modern chemistry or physics. Gallileo is not taught. Children learn history lessons with objectionable material removed. They do not learn about the women's movement for example. Only subjects which comport with their religious views are allowed. Thus, they are ill prepared to attend any college or university. Ultra-orthodox Yeshiva students who want to pursue college degrees in anything other than Judaic studies must participate in some sort of remedial or self taught education. The Hasidic view toward education is probably similar to the tea party regulars who want creationism taught alongside Darwin. Christians who want creationsim taught as an accepted theory of the origin of the species alongside Darwin are just as nuts. Christian fundamentalists who don't want birth control taught in sex education classes are cultish too. Christian fundamentalist may not dress in funny clothes like the Hasids, but they can be just as dangerous and just as regressive. The Duggans in the reality show 21 kids and counting come to mind. Members of cults can be pleasant, charming and nice. The amish are an example of a cult as are other Christian fundamentalists. The Lubuvitcher group of Hassidic Jews are an example too.Even if some of the examples of hasidic excesses are "embroidered" or not totally factually accurate, they do serve to demonstrate the danger of this particular religious cult. Further, they are an accurate account of the author's perception at the time. Her perception may have been inaccurate, but that was her perception. A boy is molested by his elderly bar mitzvah teacher. The community comes to learn that he has molested many boys and has a hoard of children's pornography in his house. Do they report him to the police? No. He is too old to go to jail. He disappears from the community for several weeks and returns. Presumably he participates in tutoring boys once again. Is he again in a position to molest? We are not told. What happens to the boy? He is forced to leave his Yeshiva because his presence will disrupt the class. No other Yeshiva will take him because they know what happened to him. This is a case of a ten year old victim being punished for being a victim and speaking out. How is this different from the Muslims who blame their daughters because they were raped. How is it so different from family members killing a victim of rape, because she was raped. It is accepted as an honor killing. We are horrified when we hear about these Muslim extremists. How are muslim honor killings so different from the fallout of an ultra orthodox Jewish boy being raped by his teacher. Then there is the horrific murder of a ten year old boy caught masterbating by his father. Masterbation is prohibited in the ultra orthodox sect. The community does not report the murder. Instead a specious death certificate is issued by the hassidic ambulence service. A quick burial follows. If you think this is impossible then read Postville where another murder is covered up by a Hasidic community. Deborah was fortunate to have been able to leave this sect on the tails of the publication of her book. She received an advance which gave her the financial suppport she needed to take her son and leave. She cuts his Paises so he will look just like all the other children at the playground, and it gives her great pleasure to do so. She begins teaching him in English instead of the favored Yiddish. Other women who are not as talented as Deborah and who wish to leave the sect are not so fortunate. She was lucky that a professor at Columbia's law school fought for Deborah's right to have custody of her son. She probably fought for and won child support from Eli as well. I do wish the book explained about any sister she may have had and which was referred to in some of the reviews. If she had been in multiple schools and been expelled, I wish she would have explained that in the book too. She has written a memoir so it should be factually correct. Otherwise she must label it as fiction based on fact. I wish I had the opportunity to ask her myself. In any case I loved this book. It sheds light on the danger of cults. Whether a society is a cult or not is really based on a continuum with some groups being more cultish than others. I view some modern Jewish orthodox communities as cultish without going all the way. This Satmar sect is a total cult. The only more cultish act they could have perpetrated would have been to murder Deborah becuase of her Hymen defect. I think some Muslim groups would go that far. Still hasidic groups do perform many charitable acts. They run the volunteer ambulence service in their community. They support free apartments for people who come to major medical centers for treatment. Some of these people including non-Jews could ill afford the cost of traveling to a major medical center for treatment of a serious illness were it not for these free apartments. They provide kosher meals for patients who are kosher in hospitals that cannot do so. They provide kosher meals and passover seders for Jewish inmates in correctionsl institutions. They do perform charitable acts and services for the community. Further, they are nearly single handedly responsible for raising the Jewish birth rate and providing a balance for the diappearance of Judaism in the secular community. If it weren't for these religious Jews, Judaism would probably die out in a few generations. However, Jews that don't believe these are cults should live in NYC for a few years. As a non-observant Jew walking in their communities you will be subjected to insults and even spitting. They may even throw stones. Still unlike the Muslims murdering people because they don't believe as they do is a sin. It is not allowed. In Islam fundamentalists believe that if they cannot force the infidel(non-believer) to believe, they should slay him. This is not the Jewish belief fundamentalist or otherwise which holds all life sacrosanct. In Judaism you cannot kill or maim a non-believer because they don't believe.I have had the opportunity to learn why the author fails to acknowledge the existence of her sister or the fact that she attended more than one secondary school. She knew that by writing about her life, she brought community disapproval on her family for their failure to control a child and a female child as well. Eli, her husband was ostracized for failing to control his wife. He has since left the community and now wears blue jeans though he is still observant. She felt her 11 year old sister was a child who did not decide to leave the sect. She did not feel she had the right to expose her younger sister to the ostracism she knew would occur if she was mentioned in the book. She felt her sister had the right to decide for herself whether or not she wanted to remain in the community. Eli, her husband is an adult and presumably can fend for himself. She did not mention the different secondary schools, because in her mind her educational experience culminated in the last school and mentioning the others did not advance the points she was trying to make about her education or lack there of. These rationales seem reasonable to me and should satisfy all the Hassidic nit pickers and nay sayers who have written negative reviews about her memoir. To them all I say- If this expose reveals destructive traits of these religious practices then maybe it is time to moderate them. It is time to free the slaves or rather the women.

I want to preface this review by saying that I was raised in the same community and attended the same school as Ms. Feldman. I left the fold 32 years ago. Like any community sharing the same ethnicity, culture, or in the case of Satmar Williamsburg, a very pious enclave with a fierce commitment to upholding traditions and heritage in a secular world, has its flaws and problems. And as with any such community, Satmar can fall short of Hasidim's ideal. Having acknowledged all that, I find it astonishing though that there is not one good thing Ms. Feldman can say about Williamsburg and the Hasidic life.Throughout the years I have mingled with Hasidic, Modern Orthodox, Reform, Conservative and non-Jews. After leaving Bais Ruchel, I went to college and for many years worked and was quite exposed and participated as an American in secular society. In all honesty I have to say that I have yet to come across a community like Satmar Williamsburg with such tremendous and genuine outreach programs to its members, and, in fact, to the larger Jewish community. From a voluntary ambulance service that is second to none, from visiting hospitals and providing Jewish patients with home made kosher food, providing car services free of charge for patients going to the doctor or hospital as far away as Washington D.C. or Boston (including in snow storms, a case of which I'm personally aware of), are only a fraction of their outreach programs. Throughout the book Ms. Feldman doesn't even once mention the community's incredible benevolence.I'd like to address a few things Ms. Feldman wrote that are distorted, deceptive and particularly a couple of things she writes which turns things on its head.(1) When discussing Zionism Ms. Feldman writes as follows: "Contrary to what is commonly believed about Jewish support for Israel, the Satmar Rebbe insisted that we had to take it upon ourselves to fight for the destruction of Israel, even if it meant martyring ourselves to the cause". Now, there are lies and then there on lies. On a scale of 1 to 10 this one is a 25. Unlike Ms. Feldman I actually read the book Rabbi Teitelbaum wrote on his views on Zionism based on the Torah. I would say that even if the most ardent Zionist, secular or religious, were to read it, while he/she may still strongly disagree and believe that the creation of Israel was the best thing for the Jews, he would, however, provided that he's literate, agree that Rabbi Teitelbaum's book V'Yoel Moshe, in addition to his views why the creation of Israel is a violation of the Torah, is a lamentation on the enormous Jewish bloodshed spilled since Israel's creation. To be sure, Rabbi Teitelbaum was convinced that Israel will eventually be destroyed, however, through the hands of God. "It is clear that Israel will be destroyed prior to the arrival of the Messiah, but we need a lot of mercy from God, that [Israel's destruction] should only happen via the hands of God, not via the nations because should it happen through the might of nations, that would be a tremendous danger for all Jews, as is obvious." (V'Yoel Moshe, Yiddish edition, p. 71-72) When Rabbi Teitelbaum passed away in 1979, the staunch Jewish Zionist radio station in New York, upon announcing his death, said that "Today the most anti-Zionist and the biggest "Ohev Yisroel" (lover of the Jewish people) passed on". For Ms. Feldman to say that Rabbi Teitelbaum, this biggest "Ohev Yisroel" called upon his Chasidim to sacrifice their lives to destroy Israel is a deception that reaches a level of depravity.In addition, on the subject of Zionism Ms. Feldman writes that her Bubby told her that the Zionists "didn't want to populate their new land with ignorant Jews from religious shtetls, . . . they wanted a new kind of Jew, educated, enlightened, devoted to the cause." Apparently, Ms. Feldman thinks this is outrageous. Bubby doesn't know what she is talking about. What's fascinating here is that not only is her Bubby right but her Bubby may have been unaware of the enormity of the contempt the Yishuv leaders harbored toward orthodox Judaism. Here are just a couple of examples revealing how far that utter contempt was. In his book From Herzl to Rabin - The Changing Image of Zionism, its author, Amnon Rubinstein, founder of the not only ultra secular party in Israel, but deeply anti-religious, Shinui, describes the ideology of the Yishuv (Zionist leaders).\ "It was permissible not only to break away from the Pale of Settlement mentality and to bring down the walls of the rabbinical establishment, but also to question everything that was sacred and hallowed in Jewish tradition. Thus, within Zionism there grew a non-Jewish, even anti-Jewish sentiment, stunning in its strength and in its longings for the pagan and the Gentile. True, this sentiment preceded Zionism, and the rebellion against traditional Judaism nourished both the Haskalah (Enlightenment) literature and the turn toward socialist and revolutionary activity among young Jews in eastern Europe . Zionism did not give birth to this mood - to a certain extent it was assisted by it - but it did give it a legitimate national justification that no socialist revolution could offer. Because of Zionism, an author could write in Hebrew, with a strong sense of nationalist pride, tracts castigating Judaism for real and imaginary faults, yet retain his standing as a Jew within the community. It was permissible to cast stones at everything sacred in the father's home and to admire that which was anathema to Jews throughout the ages. Facing the Statute of Apollo, written in 1899 by Saul Tschernichovsky, one of the greatest Hebrew poets, is a well-known example of this new defiance. The poet describes himself facing the pagan God, "the youth-god, sublime and free, the acme of beauty!" He refers to the eternal war between the pagan god and the Jews and proclaims: "I am the first of my race to return to you." He turns away from the old God and yields to the forces of "life and courage and beauty" mourning the wild god who had "stormed Canaan in conquest" only to be "tied up with the straps of phylacteries." . . .In this special atmosphere of the Yishuv, the discrepancy between past and present, between old and new Jews, seemed palpable and irrefutable. A succinct statement of this growing sense of alienation from the past is found in "The Sermon", a famous short story by Haim Hazaz, one of Israel's most illustrious writers, after the outbreak of WW11 when the Jews were already subject to Nazi terror. The hero of the story examines the nature of Judaism and Zionism and finally reaches the verdict . . . "Zionism and Judaism are not at all the same, but two things quite different from each other, and maybe even two things directly opposite to each other! . . . When a man can no longer be a Jew, he becomes a Zionist." Rubinstein then writes the Zionists loathing of the language Yiddish, the language of the shtetl, and therefore adopted that the people start speaking Hebrew only. "Hebrew represented the will to create a new people - a new nation, a new goy - who live in their own land and speak their own language. The Palestinian young Hebrew was the super-Jew, and the rise of the Sabra cult accentuated this divergence between new and old. . . . " To create this new super-Jew or Goy, the Zionists and to make Israel like any other nation "The Sabbath became a day of rest, to be dispensed with whenever necessary." It's worth emphasizing that Zionism did not have a problem identifying the Jewish nation with the Jewish religion. "That the Jews had a religion of their own was, by itself, compatible with the Zionist wish for normalization. After all, there were national churches in European countries, such as Greece, Rumania. . . there were the Anglicans and the German Lutherans; and even the universal faiths acquired in many countries a distinct national expression. Hence, with regard to the Sabbath, Max Nordau, who combined ardent Zionism with fiery atheism suggested that perhaps the Sabbath in the Jewish state should be replaced by the more universal Sunday, as is the custom of the Gentiles.One final statement worth quoting summing up the Yishuv's abhorrence for shtetl Judaism was made by Yitschak Greenbaum at the height of the genocide in Europe: "One cow in Palestine is worth more than all the Jews in Poland". Incidentally, K. Tzetnik, famous chronicler of tales of the holocaust, who fainted and became critically ill after he began testifying at the Eichmann trial, offers corroborating evidence in his book about Auschwitz, "Call Him Feifel". There he depicts the figure of Eliezer Greenbaum, son of Yitzchak Greenbaum, who, thanks to his tactics of acting as informant and displaying cruelty -- to an extent which amazed even the Germans -- was elevated to the rank of the bloc commander.In K. Tzetnik's words, "Eliezer hated religious Jews with an abysmal loathing. His eyes would shoot flaming sparks whenever a religious Jew, and even more so a rabbi, fell into his clutches. And so, when he murdered a Jew named Heller, he summoned two other Jews from the barracks. `Who is the rav?' he asked. The one who was a rabbi had his bearded face covered with a rag, which had once been part of a coat sleeve. Fruchtenbaum (Greenbaum) measured the two men with a scornful glare, his features clearly showing how it irked him that such Jews still existed. He turned to the Shilover Rebbe and, in an anti--Semitic tone, rolled out a threatening `rebbetzin' from between clenched teeth, while his brain toiled to devise a method of death for the pair."I'll share with you an experience I had many years ago with a cab driver who was the epitome of this new Jewish Goy the Zionists were looking for to settle in the land. I engaged in a conversation with this cab driver and for some reason, I don't know why because it's unusual for me to ask this question, nevertheless asked him if he was Jewish. His response was "No. I am a Hebrew". Being totally confused (at that time I was ignorant of Zionism) I asked him what he meant. He elaborated how he feels not only no connection to "Diaspora Judaism" the Jews from the old shtetl, with its Talmud and Rebbes, something out of the Dark Ages, he abhors it he told me. He is a "new" kind of Jew, he continued. "I am a Hebrew". Proud. Educated, Enlightened, An Israeli. I fight for my country. The Rebbes and shtetl he insisted were repugnant to him.On prayers Ms. Feldman writes: "Girls don't go to Shul. We pray at home, or in school; it doesn't matter where and how. Only the men's prayers are regimented: only theirs count." Not only is it deceptive that girls/women don't go to shul, many in fact go every Shabbos. That is precisely why there is the Women's section in the synagogue. To say that only men's prayers count simply shows profound ignorance. When living in Williamsburg I have never once heard a teacher, rabbi or parent say that women's prayers don't count. In fact, from a very early age, we learned that women's prayers count very much. In Bais Ruchel we started each day with prayers from the Siddur and reciting the Psalms.Where Ms. Feldman writes about Jewish Family Law learning about it prior to her marriage, she comes up with a whopper: "I can't help but stare accusingly at the pious married women pushing double strollers down Lee Avenue. 'Is this okay with you' I want to ask. 'Agreeing that you are dirty because you are a woman?" Let me say unequivocally: Women are not considered dirty in the Jewish community, including in the Hasidic community. Jewish family law forbids a woman to have intercourse when she is menstruating. She is not considered "dirty"; she is considered, according to Jewish Family law, to be "ritually impure." After she counts seven clean days from when she stopped bleeding she goes to a Mikvah. Thereupon she can resume sexual relations. To many, I'm sure, and obviously to Ms. Feldman, observing Jewish Family Law and attending the Mikva is horrifying; something from first century Judaism. I have to admit that I myself was actually quite surprised to learn that a number of Reform synagogues are building Mikvahs for women. One noted Reform Jewish Feminist explains why she goes to the mikva this way: "I always felt like it [the mikva] suggested a woman was unclean and that's why she had to come and immerse. But this is a completely different animal." She further says that she interprets the immersion in the mikvah "as an affirmation of her femininity and fertility. It gives me a chance to appreciate the miracle of my body. . . It makes me think about my three children, and the miracle that I was able to give birth to them, and I appreciate God's work." When I first learned about Jewish Family Law, I'll confess, I initially felt burdened by it. Less than a year into my marriage (am now divorced) I recognized that the Hilchas Nida (Jewish Family Law) actually shows Judaism's deep respect for women. The woman is not available to her spouse sexually at his whim. We are not sexual objects. Observance of Jewish Family Law, in fact, enhances the couple's sex life, where sexual relations is not about lust but genuine love. In addition, contrary to what many believe, it is also not merely about procreation. Otherwise sex would have been forbidden for menopausal women.The examples I cited above in this book are only a fraction of exaggerations, distortions, and deceptions throughout the book. For those of you who are well read on the Holocaust and the historian David Irving and the controversy surrounding him, I'll say that Ms. Feldman does to the Hasidic community what David Irving does to the Holocaust. Without going into details, for those of you not familiar with the genre, suffice it to say that Mr. Irving is considered the worst of the holocaust revisionist historians. Why? Because unlike some others he does not say that it was all a fraud, one huge lie created by the Jews. What he does is mix some facts with fiction, exaggerates, distorts, and takes things out of context. What makes him particularly dangerous is that his books including the one on Hitler is loaded with footnotes giving it the veneer of serious scholarship. It takes a well-read person on World War II and the holocaust to see through all the incredible deceptions. Likewise, Ms. Feldman, because she is a former "insider" gives the impression that her book is based on facts; hence, giving it the appearance of authenticity, the guidebook to everything you always wanted to know about Satmar Chassidim but were afraid to ask. After all, she is an "insider"; she is a product of the community; you are hearing it straight from the horse's mouth. Had her book been one brazen lie from beginning to end, it would have easily been dismissed just like those writers who say that the entire holocaust story was fabricated by the Jews. Those are dismissed to the margins appearing mostly on white supremacist and Nazi websites pretty much denying them their 15 minutes of fame in the mainstream. However, just like David Irving, Feldman's book overall is a compilation of some truths, semi-truths, gross exaggerations, and outright deceptions -- between the comical and the depraved. And, like Irving, apparently by now she is getting more than her share of fame in the mainstream, including in Oprah's book club. The ability to find a mainstream publisher and appear on TV watched by millions of Americans to get exposure and win accolades for a book that is at best a mediocre piece of fiction, not particularly well written I might add, is breathtaking. American intellectual culture it seems keeps sinking into the abyss. Just when I thought we can't sink any further, I'm proven wrong. Apparently the abyss is bottomless.On the subject of the holocaust, I think it's worth making a couple of observations in this forum. Let us take a look at who was considered a Jew under the Nazi regime. Was it only Hassidim and the observant? Perhaps a handful of their co-religionists who were conservative and reform? We all know that's hardly the case. But apparently Ms. Feldman needs reminding. There is also an interesting, and some would say very painful irony that the Nazis came to power in a country that were the first to embrace the "Haskalah" the "Enlightenment", the first to throw off the yoke of religious observance. The "Enlightenment" to be sure initially also helped bring about the mitigation of anti-Semitism particularly in Germany. When the religious Jews were escaping the pogroms in Poland, a large number of them escaped to Germany. The majority of German Jews when the Nazis came to power were secular. In fact, most of them considered themselves to be "Germans" first and "Jews" second. They not only considered themselves patriotic but in fact walked the walk. They served in the First World War many of them with great honor and distinction. The professions of medicine, law, and engineering became widely opened to them. They made major contributions to German science and played a significant role in the continued industrialization of Germany making Germany the most powerful country in Europe. When the Nazis came to power, Hitler and his henchmen told them they were living in a fantasy world if they thought they were now well integrated and assimilated within German society and are now full Germans. Hitler did not say, you made a mistake - You are Jews first and Germans second- you are Jews ONLY. It was an incredibly rude awaking. And because they were Jews ONLY, the ultimate Nazi policy was not that they therefore belonged in ghettos and deserved to be persecuted and hounded, and not even that they therefore deserve to be treated as slaves as in biblical Egypt,. No, they concluded which policy they finalized at the Wannsee conference on January 20, 1942, because you are Jews you have no right to life. The Jewish people under the Nazi regime were not only the Hasidim, the observant, the reform and assimilated, but even the baptized Jew who went to church every Sunday and prayed to Jesus suddenly found himself part of the hounded who deserved to be annihilated. Hitler went back three generations. It's also widely been written that many of them learned for the first time they were Jews when the Nazis were able to dig out a great great Jewish grandfather or grandmother. To reiterate: the Hassid and the baptized Jew were an equal in Auschwitz - equally loathed and not worthy of life. It's also been widely reported in a number of Holocaust memoirs that many converted and assimilated Jews said the Shemaya Yisroel before they died, perhaps for the first time in their lives. Somewhere in the deep recesses of their memory, perhaps from early childhood they learned this prayer. Over the years when people made some derogatory comments to me about Chassidim or observant Jews I try to remind them that in the 20th, century they were as loathed as their co-religionists.Victor Klemperer, who was German and a baptized Jew, in his memoirs "I Shall Bear Witness", expressed his extreme dislike toward religious Polish Jews. While he did not write that they deserved to be persecuted, he did express that if Hitler despised these Jews, he could understand it. However, when it became clear that it wasn't only the observant that the Nazis loathed, but the secular and baptized Jews like himself, Klemperer expressed his horror, shock and outrage. Perhaps Ms. Feldman should put Klemperer's memoirs on her reading list.A final thought on the Holocaust worth noting is the behavior of the Hasidim during this most horrific chapter in Jewish history. There is this misconception that unlike a number of secular Jews who actually took up arms to fight the Nazis, the Hasidim went like sheep to the slaughter. Aside from the fact that a number of Hasidim actually took up arms and fought with the partisans in Poland, a small number to be sure, most of them fought back spiritually and materially and with incredible dignity. This of course is not the proper forum to go in at length on the subject. But one important point is worth making. We know that there were the Jewish police in the ghettos to help keep order as the Jews were rounded up and the kappos in the camps, all Jews. Who among the Jewish population did the Nazis pick to lord over their Jewish brethren? In "Hassidic Responses to the Holocaust in the light of Hassidic Thought", author Pesach Schindler from Hebrew University quoting from Hillel Seidman's book "Warsaw Ghetto Diary" writes as follows: "The Germans exploited every means, organized every Satanic device in order to break the moral defenses of the Jew and to stimulate his most primitive senses. They initiated a difficult and inhuman war of survival so that a Jew could only continue to exist at the expense of another Jew. Yet the elements in the ghetto police, with exceptions, were not the highest caliber. At the time of deportations it [the Jewish police force] was composed of converts, assimilated Jews, radicals, dishonest individuals, those without moral scruples. . . It can be ascertained that the entire police force did not include even one observant Jew. . . This was also true in the camps. Among all the various overseers there were no religious Jews. This is confirmed by all who were in the camps."Undoubtedly hundreds of thousands of secular Jews had the moral compass and did not become kappos. Apparently though it seems that for whatever reason observant Jews had an increased chance of finding and incorporating that moral compass while prisoners.Finally, I want to mention something Ms. Feldman said not in her book but at meeting discussing her book. A woman got up and told her that she is secular and she knows very little about Hasidic life. She told Ms. Feldman that she found it strange that she seems unable to say even one good thing about her upbringing. Didn't you have a little fun at some point in your upbringing she was wondering. Ms. Feldman responded that it is the Hasidic men who have all the fun and proceeded to talk about Simchas Torah in Satmar. At first I thought she may actually say that she was sorry that it was only the men who danced with the Torah, not the women, the men who had all the fun. Just when I thought she may actually say something admirable about Hasidim, at least the men, she very quickly cured me of that illusion. She told her audience that Simchas Torah in Satmar is like watching people "clubbing on LSD." No doubt, she got a few laughs from the audience which apparently pleased her very much. "Clubbing on LSD"? Was she trying to suggest that Simchas Torah in Satmar is Woodstock with the Hasidic touch? Hippies in Hasidic garb? At times I wonder, with Jews like Feldman, who needs anti-semites.I would like to share with you my experience of Simchas Torah in Satmar. Like the rest of humanity I have some painful and also a couple of beautiful memories from childhood. Admittedly being brought up in a community where from early on I felt I didn't fit in, for whatever reason I didn't have the constitution to live a Hasidic life and was looking for something different was at times very difficult and often quite painful. Despite the pain I can in all honesty say that I am actually grateful that I was raised in a Hasidic home for a number of reasons. One of them is that it gave me the opportunity and experiences I would never have had had I been raised in a secular or less religious home.My most cherished memory from childhood is Simchas Torah in Satmar. The synagogue at the time I was growing up was quite old and was in desperate need of reparations. They were already in the process of building a new one but in the meantime used the old synagogue. I remember it quite fondly. The fact that it was slowly coming apart, somehow added to its warmth and charm. My earliest memory is when I must have been around 8-9 years old watching for the first time the Hakofes (the dancing on Simchas Torah) in Satmar. My recollection is that next to the women's section, there was a small room for children. The floors literally had holes in them where one was able see the floor below where the men were. I recall leaving the house early Simchas Torah to reserve the hole that afforded me the best view to watch the Hakofes. I spread eagle on the floor, and guarded my hole with the same fervor as the Brinks guard watching over his sack of cash and would under no condition move over to allow another kid to take my place fearing I would never get it back. I truly wish I had the requisite writing skills to share with you what that experience was like. Words fail me. I can't think of the words that would do it justice - I can't think of the words to relate accurately the incredible joy and beauty watching Rabbi Teitelbaum and his Chassidim dance. The men's section, a room that was supposed to accommodate perhaps a few hundred, held at least a couple of thousand. People were literally standing on top of each other. Yet when the Rebbe danced, somehow, by some miracle, the Chassidim created the necessary space and allowed the Rebbe to dance up and down the room with the Torah. It is no exaggeration to say that the walls were literally dancing along. It gave me the feeling of being physically transported to Mount Sinai observing Moses delivering the Torah to the Israelites. To me Rabbi Teitelbaum was Moses, the Chassidim the Israelites and the Synagogue, the holes in the floor notwithstanding was Har Sinai. Rabbi Teitelbaum was already in his late 70's and yet watching him dance with the vigor of a 20 year old was breathtaking. The joy I witnessed on the faces of the Chassidim, including my father, one had to observe; it cannot be described. Because without observing it, it cannot be believed. It's impossible to adequately relate the ecstasy one wouldn't think humans are capable of. That purity of faith, combined with that utter all-consuming most heartfelt gratitude to God for giving the Jews the Torah for which the Chassidim felt a love that I can only describe as other worldly, was a marvel to behold. What makes it all the more profound is that this was the Holocaust generation. Many of these Chassidim were in the camps. To be able to feel that kind of all-consuming joy, gratitude and the purest of faith despite the horrors, if nothing else, restores one's belief that God gave us each the opportunity and ability to restore not only one's equilibrium regardless of what horror one has endured but also the ability to love again, to experience joy again, to laugh again. While I admit that I would have to be born again to be able to acquire that purity of faith, I am nevertheless truly grateful that God put me in a community where I was at least afforded the opportunity to witness it. In that regard I continue to feel by far more fortunate than those who were afforded the best of the material world., the best money can buy, including the best secular education I was initially not afforded but eventually pursued.I could write an honest book, warts and all, of my upbringing in Williamsburg and Hasidim where I spent 24 years, but unlike Ms. Feldman I'm not seeking my 15 minutes of fame. Whatever warts the community has they don't need me to tell them what they are in a book or otherwise. They also don't need my expertise on how to resolve them. While I broke away many years ago, I am still in touch not only with extended family but a handful of friends. Trust me when I say, there are enough Chassidim, men and women, who are as bright and intelligent as I am, and some, far more, without college degrees. In fact, despite a college education and having a collection of several thousand books in which I've been immersed since I left Satmar, it's quite humbling at times to learn that even with limited secular exposure, some of my Hasidic friends, my friend Toby Baum in particular, makes me recognize just how limited my intelligence at times really is. So I continue to make an effort to increase my knowledge recognizing that I have a lot to learn not only from books, secular or otherwise, but staying in touch with some incredibly good, decent and dare I say once again highly intelligent Hasidic women.One final thought: I was humored when I read Joel's critique of Feldman's book where he writes that while non-orthodox, he is grateful to Feldman because, he writes, "you awoke the inner Jew in me, as something in me desired to defend my people." I wonder whether it's only a coincidence that since following the media circus of Deborah's book, I started reading again books on Hasidim including the book I mentioned above by Schindler on "Hasidic Responses to the Holocaust". While I always had a great respect for the Satmar community, warts and all, despite leaving it behind 32 years ago, I wonder, whether like for Joel, Feldman actually awoke some remnants of Hassidim in me I was not even aware of. Food for thought.Shifra Stern

I had read an excerpt of this book and thought it would be a really fascinating read. The subject matter is fascinating but it was like reading material for a school exam. It was very hard going and constantly disruptive to translate the vast amount of Yiddish words and phrases in the book. In some parts, there were 4 or 5 Yiddish words or phrases per page. This made it a really slow going read. If the author wants to tell her story of rejecting her Hasidic roots then perhaps she could've made it easier for her readers by using less of the Yiddish language. I speak German, so some of the language was easy to translate. However, as I understand the author is planning a sequel, she should think about the language otherwise there's a whole section of society who simply won't read this book.

I lived in a quiet, leafy neighborhood of LA as a young woman. Coming from Ireland in the 80s I had a nievety that still prevented my seeing much beyond Catholicism. I often saw women wearing wigs and men with side curls and unusual hats out walking, always in family groups and was deeply curious about them as they were so foreign to my limited experience of life thus far. My main impression from this story is how, from very early on this young girl knew that she was not born to live her destiny confined to the rules, structures and conventions of the culture and religion she was brought up to believe were the only truth. What wonderful strength of character and drive to be true to who she was destined to become... and still becoming. A story of hope, and trusting her own truth to lead her through life. Congratulations Deborah on choosing to live and not conform. A wonderful read, sometimes shocking, sometimes shockingly familiar.

I watched Unorthodox the series and was shocked to learn about this community in New York. I had to learn more.This is such an inspiring read, I admire her determination to leave and the calm way she writes about her traumatic life.I hope she manages to make plenty of money and help other women to escape this humiliating existence, and to lead a happy life with her son.

I read this after seeing the Netflix mini series. It made me curious about Deborah’s story, I wanted to know the real story as she’d written it.It makes for a brilliant read, in my opinion, better than the series (which was amazing in its own right) but this just obviously has that personal touch, that raw shock that you can’t escape.I think a few people have mentioned the book was tricky to read with the Hasidic words but in the latest edition it’s super easy to ready as the Hasidic is followed up with the English translation. It just adds to the atmosphere, authenticity by letting us see a little more of this world.A must read in my opinion.

A great read for anyone interested in this topic: I was so pleased that the author rebelled and found freedom, and was not manipulated by the community. It is terrible that a girl can grow up in Brooklyn in the 21st century and yet be so cut off from mainstream society-with no choice in the life that awaits her. I really hope that this book opens the eyes of others who may be stuck living a life that makes them unhappy. Fear and brainwashing by others cause so much unhappiness. Nobody has any right to tell you what to do with your life, nor does anyone have a personal hotline to God, it's all about control. I love a rebel and Deborah is a brilliant, bright woman who I hope now can live the life she deserves.