Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry Hardcover – January 1, 2006

I never thought I would say this, but a relationship book has made it to my top ten favorite books. I felt like it was really good premarital counseling in book form. I've had premarital counseling, and it was actually pretty good, but this book was much, much better.This book is really well written, and the content ranges from the general (for instance, telling you that men and women have different needs) to the specific (for instance, giving suggestions for how to tell if you are still "in love" with someone, or if you just see them as a really good friend you happen to be engaged/married to). This book draws heavily from Gottman's research on marriage. While his work does have its flaws, it's important to note that it is easily the best research on marriage that anyone has ever done. Most marriage theories are based on the author's opinions and what they have seen work for a few couples here or there, but Gottman has done the leg-work so that this book can present some actual empirical understanding of the basics of a good marital foundation. This book also draws heavily on Biblical principles of love, relationships, and marriage. It is unapologetically Christian and suggests at the end of the book that even if a couple is doing everything "right" they need to share spiritual dreams and Christian service.I read this book by myself when I got engaged to my boyfriend of a couple of years. The book has questions at the end of each chapter to help you consider how the material in the chapter applies to your specific situation. I took the questions seriously and by about 1/3 of the way through the book I realized that I really couldn't marry my boyfriend. I had a hard time letting go of the relationship but in hindsight it was a really unhealthy situation. My friends had been telling me their concerns but I needed to figure it out for myself, and this book walked me through that process in a really low-pressure gentle way.When I started dating my now-husband I started reading the book again and answering the questions in regard to my new relationship. It was really reassuring for me to see that we were built on a solid foundation. I decided to start over and read the whole book together(which we mostly did in the car) and discuss the questions together. This was probably the best thing we have done for our relationship. It helped us have reasonable expectations for each other and ourselves, and helped us set up good habits as we started our marriage together.One thing to note: apparently there is a man's workbook and a woman's workbook to accompany this book. For budget reasons, I didn't purchase the workbooks. The book was still extremely helpful for me and my husband, but every few pages it directs the reader to an exercise in the workbook. Some of the exercises looked interesting and others looked repetitive or boring. Discussing the questions at the end of each chapter was enough for us.

This was given as a gift and suggested to me for its purchase, so I’m sure they got exactly what they wanted, and they are happy

My wife and I went through this book together after we got engaged. We originally read the book together separately. We spent a few nights reading through the chapters together a second time and doing the workbooks, which were somewhat helpful but definitely not all encompassing.This book, with the 7 questions(actually many questions based off of seven big questions) was very insightful and helpful in jumpstarting our marriage counseling. It gave us points to bring up with our pastor to discuss in more detail with a mediator. Don't rely solely on this book to solve your marriage issues or to spear head any problem you will face in marraige. Instead, rely on the book as a reference point to go back to again and again to revisit the issues that may be surfacing without your awareness. Working through the book with my wife was helpful to our relationship and this book is one that I recommend for any of my friends who recently got engaged.I have actually bought 4 copies of this book now, one for me and my wife, and 3 to give out to friends. I will buy a few more in the future as well as, this book really is a great starting point.

This book is a great way for couples to discuss matters that are really important. It is a great way to talk about the things that are all too often "unspoken" even with the greatest of couples. This book gave us a way to make sense of our thoughts, in an easy non-judgmental and open way. It wasn't that we hadn't voiced these ideas or matters, just that we hadn't thought about the matters fully. That is what this book is for: discussing. One of the greatest parts of the book is discussing your family's unspoken rules.My fiance and I had already discussed several of the matters in the book (and thought we had done so successfully), just not as thoroughly as the book asked of us. This really helped us understand each other and our perspectives. Some of the matters in the book seem to be on the naive side, maybe assuming a more modest and conservative lifestyle of its readership (perhaps written especially for couples that haven't gotten to spend a lot of time around each other for extended periods), but there is enough reality to keep topics and discussion flowing. It is an easy fast paced read.This book presents a comfortable and laid back way of discussing the things you may have already thought of but never got the time to bring full circle.

Having counseled many couples in 25 years of pastoral ministry, I have read several books on marital, interpersonal relationships. The authors present sound principles that are easy for people to understand and to apply. I had a few older favorites I would recommend to couples until reading this book -- now I have a new favorite to share instead!One of the unique, most admirable qualities of this work is that it is very helpful to persons regardless of their marital status. A single individual will find it helpful for insight during dating. A person who is engaged will find it helpful in identifying issues that are sure to arise within marriage. A newlywed will find it helpful in responding to the major adjustments of sharing his/her life with another person. A person who has been married for several years will find it helpful in understanding how a marriage deepens and grows over the course of time.I strongly recommend this book to anyone wanting to enhance an upcoming marriage or an existing one. There are accompanying workbooks, one for men and one for women, that are also very helpful. This book is definitely one to own!