A Matter of Death and Life: Love, Loss and What Matters in the End (Language Acts and Worldmaking)

A Matter of Death and Life is one of those rare books that speaks directly to the heart. Written with honesty and emotional clarity, it follows Irvin and Marilyn Yalom as they face mortality together after decades of love and shared intellectual life. The writing is gentle yet unflinching, balancing philosophical insight with raw, personal truth. It doesn’t offer easy answers about death or grief, but instead invites the reader to sit with what it means to live well, to love deeply, and to let go with grace.

I read this book after losing my Dad suddenly and tragically, even though the subject doesn’t reflect my own experiences I found that actually grief is universally shocking whether you’re expecting death or not and it helped me be a better support to those around me who had lost a life partner or spouse. I love the way it’s written interchangeably by the two authors, occasionally giving a different insight into the same topic and seeing how vastly different opinions can be by two lifelong married people. The latter pages for obvious reasons feel a bit emptier and sadder..but I think that’s a good reflection on how life leaves you feeling in grief. I also enjoyed how even a renowned medical professional could, in grief, appreciate how hard therapy can be to actually put into practice when you’re on the other side of it.

I’ve been a long time fan of Irvin. Over 20 years ago, I read Loves Executioner. I have read pretty much all of his books since. I feel like I have got to “know” him somewhat. I feel, through his writing, he has guided me to a really significant degree in my development as a therapist. I must also acknowledge my incredible supervisor, Paddy also. This book is really touching, full of humanity. I have been deeply saddened reading it. I must say I am not finished yet and feel reluctant in some ways to hear of Marilyn’s passing. To read Irvin recognising it was time to retire was so very poignant. Pg 98 was wonderful to read as it illuminated so much of Irvin’s grace and kindness as a therapist. I am reminded of his autobiography when he talks about engaging with one of his first clients from a relational frame or reference and had to present his summary to the psychoanalytic society. honest and kind.....another wonderful read This book is a gift, a true treasure.

Yalom at his most intimate. A Matter of Life and Death is a quiet, honest book - two people who have spent their lives helping others face mortality, now facing their own. There is no grand theorising here, just the real texture of love, fear, and the particular vulnerability of the therapist who knows too much about death to pretend it isn't coming. I didn't need this book to teach me about grief. But it reminded me why I do this work. Dr Chloe Paidoussis-Mitchell, Chartered Counselling Psychologist, Founder of The Grief Clinic London

Good

I am a huge fan of Yalom’s work, and have read all of his books. This one is extremely special, as it is so personal, vulnerable, and deeply moving. Highly recommended to any fans of Yalom (either Irvin, Marilyn or both!) , but also to people who may never have heard of Yalom but who wish to read an incredibly thoughtful and reflective study of grief and adjustment to life as widower.

One of the best books I have read in a long time inspirational thought provoking and a love touching story of a married couple Recommend for counsellors and people interested in end of life

I feel lucky to live at the same time with Yaloms. Nothing else to add. 10/10

Sad and honest book filled with raw emotions. A must read for anyone who has lost a loved one.

Livre impressionnant de lucidité, écrit à deux mains et qui raconte la chronique d'une mort annoncée et d'un suicide assisté. Cela vaut surtout pour le courage de Mme Yalom. Son époux, très célèbe psychiatre expose ses fragilités et le deuil terrible qu'il traverse. Un livre choc qui peut donner beaucoup à réflechir sur la fin de vie et ses évolutions possible dans la société. Je ne doute pas qu'une traduction française sorte très prochainement.

I just love Irvin Yalom and read everything from him.

Ein altes, bald über siebzig Jahre in großer Liebe verbundenes, von einer großen Familie gesegnetes und akademisch überaus erfolgreiches Ehepaar (er: Psychotherapeut, sie: Romanistin) reflektiert in abwechselnden Tagebucheinträgen den Schmerz des Abschieds im Angesicht des nahenden Todes durch unheilbare Krankheit und die Aussicht auf ein einsames Weiterleben. Beide, die todkranke Ehefrau, die ihr fortschreitendes Siechtum und die Qualen der Lebensverlängerung für ihren gebrechlichen, sie aber pflegenden Ehemann aushält, und der Ehemann, der sie ermutigen und halten und vor allem: die gemeinsame tiefe Liebe nicht aufgeben will, reflektieren jeweils ihre Geschichte, ihre Gefühle, ihre Ängste, ihre einzigartige Liebe und zuletzt die finale Entscheidung der Todkranken. Für jeden, der sich mit Gebrechlichkeit, Krankheit und Tod konfrontiert sieht - sei es als unmittelbar Betroffener, sei es als Angehöriger - eine gedanken- und auch lehrreiche, zuweilen schwere und schmerzliche Lektüre.

This book was a poignant and heart wrenching account of a couple’s experience with terminal illness and death. Written so beautifully, I couldn’t put it down. I’m grateful there are people out there willing and able to articulate such a profound experience together.