Surviving Dirty John

This book looked interesting when I read the synopsis. I also saw the not so great reviews that I felt were probably too tough on Debbie. They weren't. They weren't tough ENOUGH.I'm not "judging" her; as I've been married more than once and less than ten times, as I joke. But yes, I've been married and divorced, but NOT ONCE did I come close to marrying potential killers or liars, stalkers, or ex cons, or.... ANYONE close to the band of dangerous psychopaths this woman managed to find. She's the master of making excuses for men who are incredibly flawed.I have a book ALL women should read if they're dating a man and want to be sure they won't lose their money. or their kids, or their reputation as a sane person. It's called "When In Doubt, Check Him Out."I know she said "Don't believe the series BRAVO made about my case, let me tell you what REALLY happened."I've never heard of her or her case, NEVER. So I had ZERO preconceived notions. None.What is the MATTER with this woman? Oh, and what is wrong with her MOTHER? There is forgiving, and there's a time where that is not an option for a VERY long time. If you read this book, you'll know what I mean regarding her mother.Debbie's childhood was DANDY. Later in her life, her family endures a horrible tragedy, but it also should have been a cautionary tale. But for Debbie, sadly, it wasn't. How could she forget what a seemingly nice, friendly, loving man did to her beautiful sister? She should NEVER have forgotten what a person who "seems" like a good person can be capable of. Her own sister tried to warn her.When Debbie meets "Dirty John" via an online dating site, one of my first thoughts was "what's she trolling an online dating site for? She's wealthy, she's attractive, she should have lots and lots of friends." However, it seems she doesn't. She barely mentions any, male or female. That's something that made me think as well. She's a very successful business woman. She's in a field that enables her to travel everywhere, that caters to both women and men, she should have a group of close friends who love her and are there for her. But she only mentions maybe two friends, and briefly.I love it when someone writes "I don't want to BRAG", and then proceeds to brag. Describing herself as having "long, thick, flowing blonde hair, hazel eyes, and a great figure" well, that sounds like bragging to me. She had no need to write that as her book is full of photos, and she IS very attractive.If a man looks like a dirtbag on the FIRST DATE, chances are he won't be cleaning up any time soon. She had been talking to him for a couple of weeks before they met in person. John did sound too good to be true, and that's because he never stopped lying. He claims he's a physician,so I'd want to know what hospitals employ him, where he trained, if he enjoyed his profession... nothing too snoopy but just to get a feel for things. If he'd been to Iraq and worked with "Doctors Without Borders", I'd find hearing about that fascinating. He offers up quite a bit of information, but does nothing to back up all the things he tells her.I'm married to a surgeon. I had NO idea what being married to a physician would be like. I quickly learned that when my husband's cell phone/pager went off, chances were good he'd have to leave if he was on call that night or weekend. A doctor who chooses anesthesiology usually has to leave when he's on call as he would not be summoned if he wasn't needed fairly quickly. John's phone never rings, he never says he's on call, ever, and there are days where he just sits on Debbie's couch and plays "Call of Duty."I know this review is long but bear with me.Debbie hadn't known John long enough to be deeply in love. A couple of months is not long enough to be able to really think that. She's a smart woman, she's been married before. She should also have learned to NEVER let a man push, push, push to get married if they haven't spent enough time together to know things that are crucial when making such a big decision. Also, her children are grown, and they REALLY don't like this man, to the point of practically begging her to slow down. They do what Debbie should have done; homework regarding John. They're concerned. By brushing her kids off in a rather callous way, she tells John her kids don't like him. John proceeds to go crazy and screams "don't listen to them. They just want your money." That statement doesn't even make sense. HE wants her money, it's so incredibly obvious. When Debbie marries John but keeps it a secret from her children, that's a very bad sign. Why should she have to keep the fact that she married the "love of her life, the perfect man", A secret? Answer: she shouldn't.When she chooses John over her children for a brief period of time, I was really shocked.This man's behavior was a huge " STAY AWAY" sign from the first date. It's like Debbie just wants to believe men are only interested in her looks and winning personality, not her money, and she's LOADED. She lets the reader know this, too. She also writes the same sentences more than once, but the editing isn't great.I can't believe the horrible, terrible, nonsensical decisions Debbie made, over a man she soon KNEW was a liar, a thief, an ex con, and more. She knew he was bad news, HORRIBLE news, but she married him anyway. Then the REAL fun began.At her age, after three marriages (two that were to men who so obviously wanted her money and not her, and were violent to boot), you'd THINK she'd have wised up. But no.I don't want to spoil this book for those who choose to buy it, but I'm torn. I want to warn people, but if you spend way too much money buying the book, at least you'll probably learn that loneliness can do terrible things to people. Unlike her psychologists said, IT WAS HER FAULT. Nothing in her past or her childhood can explain her behavior. She should stick to making money. She's good at it. Picking men? Not so much. I want to write one more thing; I was FLABBERGASTED by the five star reviews I read. Perhaps people want to read about how to avoid marrying a potential murderer/thief/blackmailer/psychopath? I'd really pass this up.Oh! The one thing John wrote to Debbie that was completely true is very telling. He wrote; " Wise up Debbie. Sex isn't !ove. Don't you know that? "

I enjoyed reading the book but did not think there was much new from the movie and reports I had previously seen on the case. The photos were a nice addition. From the beginning of the book I had red flags popping up all over the place. I have never been too trusting so to see Debbie's reactions to the things John was doing to her and her family really had me screaming for her to get away from him for good. I think that based on the way she grew up she just didn't have the coping skills to stay away from relationships that were not good for her. She needed better counseling when she finally tried to get some some help. The Irvine police didn't do much to help either. I was very impressed with how successful she has been professionally. I would like to see Terra write a book about this. It may help with the PTSD she has suffered, too.

I had heard of the Dirty John story and love a good true crime book so thought I would give this book a try. That being said I spent the majority of my time shaking my head and thinking "wow", how can anyone be that naive and gullible. She states in the beginning of the book that the limited series about the case was not very accurate because they portrayed her as a woman who made the wrong choices because of weakness and vanity. I never watched the series but her own portrayal of herself in her own words in her own book made me feel the TV show was probably spot on. She goes on to say the show wrongly depicted her as naive and ignorant of red flags.. HELLO?! She was naive and ignorant of red flags.. and not just red flags.. but huge stop signs with red blinking lights and horns! I hate to even say she was naive because how naive can you be about men when you're in your 50's and have been married previously 4 times?! Towards the end of the book she goes on to talk about how she's learned that she wasn't to blame for anything.. she was brainwashed and manipulated into loving John. If only someone would have warned her she says.. HELLO?! Her own kids repeatedly tried to warn her from the first time they meet him.. they knew something was not right. Instead within a few short weeks she chooses John over her children which I find mind boggling. She was excited about John because she thought he was gorgeous and muscular with a megawatt smile and.. and he was a doctor (*insert giddy clapping here*)! That's what blinded her to the obvious in my opinion. She does say that wasn't it, because after all, she's been asked on dates by movie stars and professional athletes! Oh Lordy. The two stars I gave this book are because it definitely held my interest and perhaps there are people out there who don't know that men like John exist. The absolute one bright spot in this whole book is her daughter Terra.. she's a freakin warrior.

I personally knew the author's sister and was stunned by her death in 1984. My heart bleeds for the author's nephews and for the many traumas this family has undergone. I don't think I could be as forgiving with the brother-in-law or the system who let this depraved individual back into society after a short...and I mean short...stint in prison. To me this was premeditated murder and his actions after reuniting with his ex-wife's family sickened me. Well written book and one you can't put down once you start. I will admit that I broke down several times reading it. It happened long ago but her memory still lingers and touches my heart.

I love true stories & I love when they put pictures in the book so you can identify with the characters . It kept you wanting not to put it down, cuz what’s next with this Dirty John

The story is very good, but Debbie seriously?? Why are you letting them treat you like that? I was so frustrated with you many times, when he said “you get home right now and make me dinner” and you said “ I will be right there”seriously did you run for him? OMG I would have told them to go forth straight away? I can’t help thinking these men must think you a soft touch? Horrific story though

I loved the book. Makes you want to be careful not to meet someone online. But Debbie is a slow learner where men are concerned. I hope she takes more time to get to know someone. At least a year but then you still risk getting an abuser. It is not the victims fault.

I liked the honesty of the Mother and every Mother with young or teenage daughters needs to read this true story. Was scary, amazing and very enlightening.

A book, that once started, will keep you up all night😊