How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

David Richo is brilliant - your best undiscovered assistant in the transformational soul centric journey to authentic adulthood from wounded stumbling around child trying to be an adult in relationships, work, and community - who's trying really hard to get love, give love, and live in peace and joy all over your life. This book is the missing manual for how to become an allowing, no reactive, self responsible, self loving, other loving, kind, understanding and empowered being to stand fully in attending, appreciating, accepting, allowing and loving all of you and all of everyone else too! His writing is not filled with technical lingo or hard to relate to case studies, but feels very personal and alive because you know he is doing and has done this work himself. It doesn't matter if you are wanting to have a satisfying love partnership, be a loving and successful parent, collaborate in successful co creative partnerships in your work, or have an empowered relationship with God/Spirit/Life/Goddess - this book will give you concrete understanding of what is getting in the way and concrete practices to restart your _ WHO I AM and HOW AM I BEING - journey with effective tools. Richo's goal in all of his writing is integrating unrecognized and unowned shadow parts of yourself, getting to know all the parts/voices/beliefs that are sabotaging you, understanding and grieving for the holes that your not so perfect parents and early teachers and early relationships left you with - without stirring up blame and hatred but rather loving for them and for you. Instead we become friends with all of the repugnant, ugly, not working so good part of us and discover what their gifts are to us. Thus we come to understand that actually all we yearn for - is possible first and foremost by taking responsible to lovingly and kindly give it to ourselves. David Richo is gifted in bringing together the wisdom of transpersonal and developmental psychology with the loving path of mindfulness, radical honesty and compassion practice and what it leads to is a healing of egocentric intimacy phobic relational practices and introverted codependent styles of relationing - both in the end strategies for healing the wounds within and getting the unconditional love, attention, acceptance, allowance, affection and appreciation we all need to be WHOLE and feel confident to share our gifts with the world and others. By learning to mirror ourselves and others and finally get that humans will sometimes be brilliant, loving, understanding, forgiving, giving and appreciative - they will also betray us, not come through, misunderstand and misattribute our intentions, be hurtful and mean. The practice is not making it personal to others or about ourselves - rather embrace our humanity and clean up the messes inside that get in the way of consistent empowering methods of relating, loving, getting needs met and understanding others needs and supporting each other in a commited way to the practices. His is a journey of soul centric living. If you're ready to take responsibility to change your life and begin core routines and practices that empower, love, forgive, understand yourself and others in relationships - I strongly urge you to start with this book and then move onto When The Past is Present and then onto Daring to Trust - then Adulthood in Faith Relationship and then Shadow Dance and The Five Things We Cannot Change; all by Richo. For therapeutic practitioners, coaches, mentors, counselors, parents, teachers, activists these books are chock full of dyadic and group and solo exercises that really work. I also strongly encourage co-readings/workshops by Pema Chodron, Bill Plotkin, Richard Louv, Jon Young, Thomas Berry, Wendell Berry, Joanna Macy, Marshall Rosenberg, Margaret Wheatley, Robert Gonzalez [...] Judith Lasater. Don't wait for stepping up into your greatest potential - this is your one beautiful amazing life and anything can be healed because we are Nature and Nature is in a perpetual state of wholing, and transforming. Yes we can!

Still in the beginning of the book, but just love it so far. It's already worth the money spent, which is why I feel comfortable giving it a premature review. First, I'll comment on the seller, RRP Books, as I bought a used book. I found the seller's description of the book condition to be very accurate and would trust buying used books from them again. My book is in like new condition and was reasonably priced. About David Richo... I see several people posted negative reviews and can't help but wonder if at least a few of them completely missed the mark of what the author is getting at in principle. This is not a save your relationship book at all... it is about using mindfulness to be a better partner in a relationship and also find more peace within yourself and your relationships with others... and one could extend these same principles to all interpersonal relationships, not just the romantic ones. I totally get and appreciate what the author is saying and find it immensely helpful. Also, I love that he's incorporating western psyche (Jung and others) and eastern mindfulness and detachment of ego. In essence we need to have a healthy Self and then let go of the egocentric part that sometimes induces fear-based and anxiety-driven thinking / action and impedes healthy relating and being. The author advocates loving through giving our partners (and I would say anybody we love) attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. This is a very healthy way of being, and by the way... if you are doing these things and are in a struggling relationship, you might be able to save it by becoming a better partner -that presupposes, of course, that the relationship is worth saving in that your partner is suitable and also willing to work on being a giving healthy partner who respects you. Equally, if you have to let go of a relationship, applying the principles and practices in this book could help you do so with less pain by realizing what is good and healthy for you and accepting yourself and your partner for who you are as individuals even if you can't make it together as a couple. My own two cents... in my opinion, a lot of people in this world focus on giving their partner attention, appreciation, and affection early on in a relationship... but if these things dwindle later on they often give way to projected fears that the relationship has changed or one partner is not giving their all, or may be cheating, etc. etc. Really, though, how many people give their partner complete acceptance and allow them to be who they are as they are in the present moment without focusing too much on delving into the past or fearful projection about the future? Sometimes, though, a relationship isn't right for us. By practicing mindfulness we can see when a relationship is healthy, needs work, or needs to be let go of for our benefit. I think people who are happy are not only compatible (even if they are opposites they can be compatible as complements) but really accept their partners and support their partners healthy personal growth without trying to control or change them (or the relationship) into someone they really aren't or aren't meant to be. I think happy couples can also feel relaxed around each other, trust each other, nurture one another's talents and individual life passions, and give themselves and each other space to be who they are and change and grow without feeling threatened. Such feelings arise from our own insecurities. Anyway, I bought this book because I want to practice mindfulness and be a better person for myself and also for the people around me -not just romantic partners. I digress; getting back to the author... I like David Richo's style, though the writing is more simple and not literary genius. It is also very, very repetitive, but I like that it is repetitive so the key points get driven into my brain. He also writes in a more loose style, which is very suitable for a book on mindfulness. Not everyone will appreciate that and some may prefer a more scholarly or western-style authoritative and linear approach. David Richo's style works for me, and I'll definitely buy other books of his. I am also interested in learning about mindful eating to develop a healthier relationship with food and be a physically healthier person. Healthy body, mind, soul... we are all constant works in progress.

David Richo’s How to Be an Adult in Relationships is a transformative read for anyone seeking deeper, more authentic connection. Rather than offering quick fixes or romantic clichés, Richo invites readers into a mindful journey of love—one rooted in presence, emotional maturity, and self-awareness. At the heart of the book are the Five A’s of mindful loving: - Attention - Acceptance - Appreciation - Affection - Allowing These principles help us move beyond fear, blame, and old patterns, and toward relationships that feel safe, nourishing, and real. Richo blends psychology, spirituality, and practical exercises, making this book accessible whether you're single, partnered, healing, or growing. Why it resonates: - Encourages emotional responsibility and self-reflection - Offers gentle wisdom for navigating conflict, boundaries, and intimacy - Helps readers understand love as a practice, not - just a feeling - Ideal for those recovering from codependency, caretaking, or childhood wounds With a 4.6-star rating and thousands of glowing reviews, this book is a trusted companion for anyone ready to love with clarity and courage.

I wavered between a three-star rating and a four-star rating for this book. I wanted to give this book a three-star rating because it is saturated with soaring and overly broad prose, references to Jungian psychology that won't help readers who are unfamiliar with constructs central to that body of work, and frequent appeals to Eastern spirituality. (Certainly all of these things are the author's prerogative, but a reader looking for practical advice would rightly feel somewhat misled by the title of the book, the book's description on this site, and even the back cover of the book, despite the latter's mention of Buddhism.) Yet I give this book a four-star rating because, when Richo does get around to offering specific, practical advice, it is outstanding. Particularly helpful are the author's thoughts on how introverts and extroverts receive and express love differently. I am currently in what I would consider an extrovert-introvert relationship, and I plan to consult this table over and over as a reminder. Another high point is the author's discussion of fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment. In fact, my attention heightened every time I encountered a table in the book, because putting information in a table forced the author to be succinct and boil things down to the key points - which I think he perceives more acutely than any author I've seen so far. When I looked back at the reviews on this site after reading the book (as I did before purchasing the book), I wondered if I was crazy for not being happier with the book than I was. I suspect that for a reader who understands the word "mindful" as connotative of Zen "mindfulness" and is looking for a book that looks at relationships through this lens, this is exactly the book that he/she has been looking for. Personally, I came away from this book feeling like I had to wade through a lot in order to get to the part that was really helpful for me. But the part that was helpful was very good, and I'm not sure I would have gotten it from any other book. I recommend this book for anyone who is inexperienced in love (or possessed of a lot of negative experiences and looking for help) and wants a thorough exploration of the various phases of a romantic relationship - and doesn't mind a fairly wordy writing style.

David Richio's declared formula for adult relationships: Acceptance, Appreciation, Attention, Affection and Allowing brings new depth and meaning to each effort. He has generously shared seasoned psychotherapist applicable insights from years of his private practice. I am on Chapter 4 and deem it a superbly well written book of therapeutic measures to approach and genuinely consider proper measures to welcome an adult relationship bound for potential success when two people merge and grow together. No more excuses! Hit or miss! or I didn't know or that works for others not my kind of thinking. Ignorant mantras! This sweet companion book literally holds me actively accountable for my own work before connecting with a potential mate. Those who are already in a commitment can rectify, if needed, with this highly insightful yet seldomly practiced approach to dive into knowing thyself based on personal inventory of one's own unique humanity and sustaining quaities. At the core of every human being is LOVE. The work of dismantllng/sabotaging layers of emotional barriers definitely requires therapeutic processes. Stevie's timeless lyrics, 'Love is in need of love today. Did you ever think that love would be in need of love today?' rings a strong note to anyone who is in love with being in love for all the right reasons. I owe it to myself to take a humbling seat and read this potentially life changing/correcting book. Taking full egoless self-inventory of establishing and renewing principles to welcome thriving relationships is inescapable. If we service our relationships like we service our vehicles, we will assuredly LEARN OR WIN within our love for each other! PRICELESS!

If you have read the works of the author Robert A. Johnson, "Owning your Shadow", "We", "She", "He", etc... then you will understand that these books by Rico are the natural extension of how to use that information to actually make real changes in your life. Look, just because these three books by David Rico have painfully obvious self help titles, don't judge them based on that. In clear and concise terms, without ever talking down to you or treating you like it's a "For Dummies" book, the author explains the steps necessary to basically let go of the childishness of our mis-spent youth and finally grow up. I included all 3 of the titles together, and I believe that "How to be an Adult", "HtbaA in a Relationship", and "The Five Things We Can Not Change ..." should be read together, so as to have the greatest understanding of what is expected at any one point in your personal Epiphany. It's extremely easy to lie, especially to ourselves. The Ego will grasp at any straw to save itself, and these 3 books basically state the obvious in such a way that only the die hard defeatest could screw up "growing up". Taking personal responsibility for you life's decisions starts by recognizing why you did this in the first place, and why you chose to continue the dysfunctional patterns. I understand that many in the field are recommending these. I suggest a set, the Johnson books, followed by the Rico.... in that order. This is how I offer them to my students who are seeking a better life for themselves. You can't fix someone else, they have to want to fix themselves. These books together give you the answers, and the means to let the dreggs go. These books open the door to a bigger world of possibilities and options for an improved life... and they answer that primary first question, "Why am I like this....". Arwythur

This book has really explained a lot of things to me about myself and how my relationships went. It does an excellent job of explaining how one should be when in a relationship. It explains the different stages of a relationship too which I'd never thought about before. It also explains what happens when a relationship ends (or should end) and tells you what to do and not to do. Although it is aimed at partner relationships, much of it applies to all relationships, be they with your children, parents, friends or colleagues. It describes both psychological and spiritual aspects of oneself and of the relationships one has. This is the first time I have seen these two aspects combined. They really do go hand-in-hand and I feel this makes the book a very comprehensive guide on how to live your life and have very healthy and happy relationships with other human beings. I wish I'd read this book 10 years ago, but perhaps then I would not have appreciated it so much. It is a great guide and a great comfort, I found. I could relate to it well and now I really understand how relationships are, for the first time in my life. All in all it's a very grown up book for adults who are interested in relationships and who consider healthy relationships to be a very important part of life.

I've read quite a few books about mindfulness. This book is a unique combination of mindfulness and relationship psychology. I think that David Richo brings up a few great connections between the two topics. This is one of those books that I read most of, skipped pages and jumped around because there were sections that were repetitive and overly verbose. On the mindfulness side, David Richo is a bit sparse and instead, he relies on his psychology background to fill the gap. The result is a book that reads a bit more like a text book than a self-help book. Don't get me wrong... there are good ideas here, they are just buried under a thick shell of excess pages. Perhaps that's the allegory of this book... a reflection of our soft hearts buried beneath the armor we've donned over all of these years?

good item

De los mejores libros que abordan el tema de relaciones interpersonales. Práctico, bien fundamentado .

Worth a read whether we are encountering a new relationship, in the midst of one or leaving one. I highly recommend it. It requires you to do a lot of work but you can read it without the practices as an initial run through and still gain a lot of information which you can then use to see which excercises to prioritise.

This could be one of the best books I've read. Some things I should have learned long ago in life but, sadly, it took me a while to get here. The 5 A's are something we all need to share with ourselves, our friends and family but, most of all, our partners in life.

A must read for someone who truly wants to understand relationships and intimacy in the light of mindfulness !...I have become a fan of David Richo and find his 5 keys of "Attention, Acceptance, Appreciation,Affection and Allowing" so useful in opening the locks to the paradise gates of this myriad world of human to human relationships. He nails the entire Hindu concept of Maya when he says "What a poignant paradox about us humans : we seek what we cannot receive from those who are unable to give it.We hold on desperately and ineffectually to that which cannot provide what we think we need. This book is more than psychology.more than philosophy and more than any other treatise on self-work and shadow work than any other book I've read till date !.... Imbibing the concepts of Buddhism and mindfulness the book takes us through a path interspersed with poetry and enigmatic sayings !!....A must must must read ,First time to know,second time to understand and imbibe and third time to heal yourself !!!👍👍👍👌👌