Brondell Bidet Toilet Seat S1400, Smart Toilet Seat, Dual Stainless-Steel, Self-Cleaning Nozzle With Clean Plus Technology, Endless Warm Water Bidet, Warm Air Dryer-Nightlight, Heated Seat, Elongated

...You’ve just returned from doing Your Business and you feel fresh and clean and somehow lighter. Not too far away is a beautiful golden wind-swept wheat field that is dancing in the warmth of a glorious scarlet sunset. It could be your imagination, but it seems to call to you – to welcome you. You willingly oblige.With very little effort, you seem to float off your porch and before too long, you find yourself in the middle of this beautiful field - instantly feeling surrounded by love. Butterflies are frolicking, and a lazy bird circles overhead looking for a place to settle in for the evening. The setting sun feels so nice on your face and you take a moment to take it all in.Just then, you feel the urge to run through the field – to feel the wheat brush up against your body. As your body gains momentum, the wheat seemingly and instinctively parts way for you as if guiding you somewhere wonderful and magical. Your effortless slow-motion stride continues until an intrusive thought pops into your otherwise calm mind: “Did I take my allergy medicine?” Yes, you realize, and just then you come to a comfortable floating stop. You find yourself high atop a bluff overlooking a majestic ocean.Looking to your left and see a lazy staircase that leads you to the beach below and before you know it, you find your feet sinking into the warm sand of the beach. You take all this in – the warmth of the sun, the sound of the ocean, the smell of the mist and with a barely audible song, you notice that same bird in the sky – flying on a pillow of air. Your eyes follow this bird for a while, but eventually give way to scanning the horizon over the ocean. You spot a playful pod of dolphins in the distance and look down to notice that your feet are being softly kissed by the warm ocean water.A light scent of burning wood draws your attention over your left shoulder as your eyes fall on to what seems to be a small bonfire up on a dune. You turn and face this inviting spectacle and decide to draw closer and explore the amber glow. As you approach, your senses turn to the soft crackling of the growing fire – the scent instantly brings you back to your childhood. Closing your eyes, you pause to feel the heat of the fire on your face while simultaneously feeling the warmth of the sunset on the back of your neck. You could stay here forever.You slowly open your eyes only to spot a figure on the other side of the flames. You try to squint to see who it is but can’t seem to get a clear image. As you round the fire and you draw closer to the figure, your body is drenched with a wave of emotion as you realize that somehow – some way – the figure you spot is your long-lost lover.This tsunami of emotion propels you closer to your lover – the lost days, nights, years all seem to melt away as you fall into each other’s arms – becoming one again. The instantaneous passion, comfort, and feeling of joy and security overwhelms all of your senses and you feel more alive than you ever have. Somehow, unconsciously and with extraordinary speed, you find yourselves collapsed and naked on an oversized blanket that is impossibly soft and inviting.Without words, your lovemaking begins. Your senses explode with almost as much passion and force as a thousand nuclear explosions. The smell of the fire, the light mist in the air. The glow of the fire and the remains of a beautiful scarlet sunset. The sand beneath the blanket makes way and forms into a comfortable cradle under the weight of two long lost lovers. As if impossible, your euphoric ecstasy is multiplied even more when your lover descends into your nether regions, hands firmly placed on your hips. Your breath quickens. Your heart races. Your head is thrown back by some primal and instinctual force and nothing else matters in this moment. It feels so…“Um, you missed a spot.”, your lover says as they surface.“What? What do you mean?”“Well, uh, you know. You sorta MISSED a spot.”, the look is clear across their face. The expression is unmistakable.Just then, you realize what that means. Suddenly, your heart feels like it has fallen from your chest, through your back and into the sand beneath you. “How?” you ask yourself over and over and over in your head. The quilting, the ridges, the aloe vera lotion… How could my ultra-plush multi-ply toilet paper have missed a spot? All the wiping. All the wiping!!! For the love of God, all the wiping!!!!!!The world comes crashing down around you. Your lover has retreated in disgust, the bonfire has sent a spark to the wheat field igniting a blaze that burns down hundreds of thousands of acres of wheat crop nearly instantaneously. The pod of dolphin drowns and that annoying bird falls out of the sky only to be eaten by a shark so large it defies reality. Somehow, in your nakedness, you make it up to your knees with your arms stretched up to the sky. “Why? Whyyyyy?”, you scream. But instead of an explication by some omnipotent God, the sky opens up to reveal a torrential downpour, lightning strikes your retreating lover, the bonfire extinguishes (It’s too late for the wheat field…), and you find yourself cold, and in the dark, with an army of giant hungry mutant crabs closing in on you. Your screaming could be heard from miles away – if there were anyone there to hear it.Two points: First of all, the only good that came out of this story is that thanks to the fire, the world was rid of a bunch of horrible gluten. Secondly, there would have been an entirely different ending if you had just used the Brondell Swash 1400 Luxury Bidet Toilet Seat!Seriously, folks, using toilet paper after doing Your Business is like trying to get chunky peanut butter out of shag carpet with ripped sandpaper. You just aren’t going to get it all. There is bound to be leftovers that go unnoticed and this is just not a Good Thing.Buying this seat has changed my life. As a parent of two young children, I have spent the better part of 6 years wiping someone else’s butt. Now I’m happy to have this amazing invention take care of mine for me! The heated seat, the gentle warm mist, the finishing warm air-dry – it takes you away to a world that is reminiscent of the story above. Minus, of course, the carnage at the end!Installation took less time than it took me to write this review, and while the Swash 1400 won’t help you find your long-lost lover, it may just help you to keep them around a little longer once you do!** No birds or dolphins were harmed in the writing of this story which may, or may have not, been based on actual events! **

I've purchased both the Brondell Swash 1000 and the AMDM Intelliseat offered here on Amazon but also from Costco:AMDM IntelliSeat - The Ultimate Bidet Electronic Toilet Seat w/ Remote ISB200 - Washlet WhiteThe Swash 1000 and the Intelliseat have similar features, except the Swash has a few more. However, the Swash 1000 costs three times as much as the Intelliseat. Here's a brief comparison between the two bidet seats based on my experiences. Please bear with me as the review is very lengthy, but I hope it'll help you make an informed decision if you're stuck between the Swash and the Intelliseat.Installation: The installation process was very similar between the Swash and the Intelliseat, and shouldn't take more than 30 minutes. Both use a T-valve hooked onto your toilet's water supply to feed water into the bidet, but there are differences. The Swash's T-valve is a 7/8" connection that fits between the fill valve connection under your toilet tank and the water supply hose. This greatly eliminates the probability of needing additional adapters because fill valves connections are almost always 7/8", and you simply hook up the water supply hose to the T-valve, and the T-valve over the fill valve connection. The Intelliseat's T-valve fits between the water supply hose and the water supply valve from your wall. The Intelliseat's T-valve is made to fit over 3/8" or 1/2" if you use the included conversion nut, but I ended up having to shop for another conversion nut because the one that came with the seat didn't fit. Also, the Intelliseat's T-valve bottlenecks the water going to my toilet, so now the toilet fills a little more slowly. Not that big of a deal, but Swash's connection is well thought-out and much less of a hassle. Winner: Swash 1000Nozzles: Both have two nozzles, one for back wash (for your butt) and one for front wash (for your lady parts). However, the Intelliseat has one plastic wand with both nozzles, while the Swash has separate stainless steel wands for each nozzle. Stainless steel is generally accepted as being more hygienic and resistant to bacteria than plastic, and the separate wand for front and back wash also seems more hygienic. Winner: Swash 1000Nozzle cleaning: The nozzles on both seats have a self-cleaning rinse before and after each wash cycle, and you can also run the self-cleaning rinse manually. However, the Swash boasts a "silver oxide nanoparticle treatment" when you hit the "Sterilization" button on the remote. I'm not really sure how it works or what it does because it just looks like a self-cleaning rinse when I activate it, but I do know that silver oxide has antibacterial properties, so that's comforting. Winner: Swash 1000Adjustable spray strength and position: Both seats have adjustable spray strength and position. The Swash's spray covers a wider area, is aerated, and the spray width can be also be adjusted. It feels like a showerhead spray. The Intelliseat has a more concentrated and powerful single stream, but the spray width cannot be adjusted. The Intelliseat is also capable of probably giving you an enema on its strongest setting, and in general I find that the Intelliseat sprays much stronger than it needs to. Winner: Swash 1000Sweeping spray function: Both seats have a mode that sweeps the spray back and forth to cover more area, except on the Swash, it's called "Move", and on the Intelliseat, it's called "Oscillate". Both work about the same. Tie: Swash 1000, IntelliseatAdjustable water temperature: Both have adjustable water temperature. The Swash 1000 has a tankless ceramic on-demand heater, which means the Swash won't run out of heated water, and you won't have to wait for the water to be heated. The Intelliseat has a heated reservoir system, so it is possible to run out if the seat is being used a lot, and it'll use up power to keep the reservoir warm. I'm fine with the room temperature setting here in Southern California, but some people like warmer sprays. Winner: Swash 1000Heated seat: Again, being in SoCal, I don't really need a warmed seat, but the option is nice and both the Swash and the Intelliseat can either keep the toilet seat warm at all times, or warm it up as soon as it detects someone's butt on the seat. Tie: Swash 1000 & IntelliseatSlow-closing seat and lid: Both models perform pretty well, with extremely silent closing. However, when the seat and lid are closed, you can sit on the Swash's lid, but you can't on the Intelliseat's. Not a big deal for me, since I don't sit on my toilet unless I need to poop, but the option is there. Winner: Swash 1000Heated air dryer: Both seats have a heat-adjustable air dryer, and they're more or less the same on both seats. You'll still need a few squares of toilet paper to pat dry, so it won't completely dry your butt for you. Tie: Swash 1000 & IntelliseatRemote: Both have battery-operated remotes. The Swash uses two AAAs, the Intelliseat uses three AAAs. I've read that the Intelliseat chews through batteries really quickly, but the Intelliseat has a more informative remote. Both seats have LED indicators for seat temperature and water temperature, but only the Intelliseat has spray strength and position indicators. It's a tough call, but the Intelliseat's remote seems more useful, even though you'll have to change out the batteries more often. Winner: IntelliseatDeodorizer: The Swash sucks up air from the bowl and passes it through some carbon filters. It actually works pretty well at keeping poopy smells at bay, as long as you remember to hit the deodorize button on the remote when you're sitting on the toilet making poopy smells. The Intelliseat has no such feature. Winner: Swash 1000Appearance: The Swash is 15" wide, 20.8" long, and 5.66" high. The Intelliseat is 19.4"wide, 20.6" long, 7.28" and high. Both are pretty bulky add-ons to a toilet, but at least the Swash is a little more compact and sleeker. Winner: Swash 1000Price: This will probably be the deciding factor for most people. The Swash 1000 currently retails for $600 here on Amazon and at most places on the web, and the Intelliseat retails for $200 at Costco (though I got mine for $150 because of a promotion at the time) and $240 here on Amazon. Costco also has an amazing lifetime return policy. The Brondell only has a three-year limited manufacturer's warranty, and costs at least three times as much as the Intelliseat. Winner: IntelliseatOverall, the Swash 1000 wins out over the Intelliseat in terms of features, but if you're on the fence about getting a bidet, I would recommend you go to Costco and get an Intelliseat. The Intelliseat is only 1/3 of the Swash 1000's price, and Costco backs you with a lifetime return policy in case you don't like it or if it breaks. If you have a little more to spend and want more features, go with the Swash 1000. But in any case, getting either seat will bring you to a whole new level of post-poop freshness and hygiene.UPDATE 6/02/2014: After using both units for a good amount of time, I wholeheartedly recommend the Swash over the Intelliseat if your budget permits. The Swash 1000's spray is much more comfortable, and I've been having inconsistent spray strength issues on the Intelliseat, though I haven't had a chance to see if there is sediment somewhere in the Intelliseat's water connections. In addition, the slow-close seat on the Intelliseat doesn't close as slowly anymore, but it doesn't quite slam the toilet yet. One more important addition is that Costco.com currently offers the Swash 1000, which means you can get the Swash AND be backed by Costco's return policy.

All I can say is I wish I had tried a bidet sooner! I have been using this product for over a year now and it works flawlessly. Warms the water nicely and the seat too if you like, and the length of the cleaning cycle is perfect. Adjustable spray width, water temperature and pressure, and oscillation make it very easy to suit the user. It does require an electrical outlet which I imagine most bathrooms do not have near the toilet (as in my case), so the cleanest installation may mean installing an outlet (GFI of course) near the toilet which isn't particularly difficult but could require a bit of drywall and paint work. I also installed the input water filter which is probably a good idea if you have old pipes. I figure the filter will extend the life of the product so for me it's worth the extra dough. They suggest changing the filter every 6 months, but my pipes are relatively new and run pretty clean so I've been using the filter for over a year without changing and no issues.