Heal Your Relationship: A new way of improving your relationship skills (The Systemic View) Paperback – October 24, 2015

I usually never write any reviews but for this book I felt almost compelled to do so. I was already familiar with some of the dynamics behind constellation work, so I first thought this book had nothing new in store for me. Boy, was I wrong! I purchased this book after a friend recommended it to me and, although some of the concepts laid out in this book aren’t very straightforward to grasp, I devoured it in just two days.What struck me most was the way the author clearly and unequivocally links the application of the systemic approach to the widespread absence of functional, happy and lasting relationships that have become so typical of the society we live in. I’m convinced that once the ideas and concepts laid out in this book find their way to a more mainstream audience, it really has the potential to put a lot of divorce attorneys out of business. I was particularly impressed by the insight the author shared about the all-important principle of reciprocity in relationships. Reciprocity allows us to tune in to our partner’s mind by means of emotional magnets that generate a relationship force field that acts upon the people we love. These ‘emotional magnets’ are called attractors because they’re the scientific principle that explains why we feel attracted to our partners in the first place. Unfortunately, when this principle is not properly understood it can take on a destructive role in our lives. One of the main takeaways that may come as a surprise to some people is that even in all of our destructiveness when it comes to relationships, all of our behavior is borne out of love. Through destructive behavior we unconsciously honor our partners and prove that we love them because through this principle of reciprocity, we allow our partners to be loyal to their family and the destructiveness that played or still plays out in their lives and that we ‘copy’ out of love.If you prefer to stay stuck in victim/perpetrator duality, blame games and similar mechanisms to avoid having to get to the root of the cause, then this probably won’t be your cup of tea. But if you’re really looking for a viable explanation of why so many relationships miserably fail, if you want no stone left unturned or if you’re looking for a practical way to get your relationship back on the right track, I strongly advise you to check out this book.